My heart must be crazy for waking me up this Sunday morning with such a heavy weight, as if I had lost someone dear. For a moment, I thought I would cry — not because I understood what was happening, but because I didn’t. My mind was blank, yet my chest ached with an unbearable emptiness.
Then, it hit me. It was you. You had come to me in my dream.
In that dream, you were my world — the air I breathed, the rhythm of my heartbeat. Like Dolly Parton’s song, you were my island in a world of streams. You were the warmth in my soul, the gentle breeze that whispered love into my ear while wrapping me in a gentle and strong embrace — cool, yet comforting. And then, I lost you.
In an instant, the warmth disappeared, replaced by an unforgiving chill that gnawed at me like frostbite sinking deep into my heart. You were gone, and with you, my reason for living. I couldn’t fathom how I was supposed to go on. Desperation consumed me. I chased shadows of you, illusions that flickered like distant lights, hoping one might lead me back to you. I followed the faintest trace of your scent, like a lost dog searching for home. But no matter where I turned, you weren’t there.
The weight of the loss was so unbearable that my own heart wrenched me awake — only to leave me drowning in a different kind of misery. When I opened my eyes, I felt like Samson when he awoke to find Delilah gone, his hair shorn, his strength stolen. In that moment, I understood his torment. Anger, grief, and betrayal swirled inside me like a dangerous cocktail, dragging me further into despair.
As I lay in bed, watching the ceiling, reality set in, alongside clarity, so did the questions. How could I lose what was never mine to begin with? You were never mine — so why did it feel as though I had lost everything? My heart wanted what it wanted, that much was true. But this time, it had gone too far.
We hadn’t spoken in days. No, weeks. Maybe even months. So why was my heart playing this cruel trick on me now? Why did it torment me with a loss I hadn’t even earned?
Then, as the fog of sadness lifted, guilt seeped in. Guilt for the words left unsaid, the distance left to grow. Guilt for letting you slip so far away that the only place you could find me was in my dreams.
Before I could stop myself, I picked up my phone and reached out. I typed the message and hit send.
And then, it dawned on me.
I had been played.
My own heart had deceived me, had tricked my mind into surrender.
What a betrayal.